“It is 2014 and I have no idea what is going on in my life!”
This is the first line from the best song on “How To Leave Town,” and it perfectly summarizes the thought process of people in the most transitional phase of their lives: young adulthood.
The alternative indie EP “How to Leave Town” by Car Seat Headrest was released on Oct. 31, 2014, and was the band’s 14th and final release before signing onto Matador Records. Car Seat Headrest consists of four members, but was a solo project started by the band’s lead singer Will Toledo.
“How To Leave Town” focuses on loneliness, growing up, depression and the ways Toledo dealt with these issues while moving from Virginia to Seattle in order to pursue music. This EP has seven songs and two interludes on it; in honor of the EP’s 10th anniversary, this is my ranking of this deeply emotional EP.
- “You’re In Love With Me”
Though I don’t skip any songs on this EP, “You’re In Love With Me” is at the bottom. This song describes the excitement Toledo felt when someone was in love with him, despite him being a “nobody.”
Additionally, he recalls a dream that he had where Barack Obama came to his birthday party and was proud of him for finding someone to love. The instrumentals are upbeat and fun, but the unserious lyrics put “You’re In Love With Me” at the bottom of this list.
- “America (Never Been)”
The fifth song on the EP, “America (Never Been),” is about various aspects of driving across the U.S., with small mentions of Toledo’s feelings of love and anxiety.
The lyrics seem to be all over the place — the only consistent topic being the U.S. — but the instrumentals are unique, building from slow to fast-paced. I enjoy listening to this song because it sounds pleasing, but the lyrics being unclear puts “America (Never Been)” low in the ranking.
- “Beast Monster Thing (Love Isn’t Love Enough)”
The second song on the EP, “Beast Monster Thing,” is about the methods that Toledo tried to use to cope with his bad feelings: lashing out, drinking, church and taking medication.
“I co-write my songs with myself; he feels the feelings, I write the words.”
Throughout the song, Toledo separates himself into two parts — depersonalization, which is something that people with anxiety or depression can experience. He also repeats different phrases, such as “what I want,” “it was fun while it lasted” and “but that’s why,” which points toward how his feelings are repetitive. The instrumental has an enjoyably mellow tone and the lyrics are personal, but neither element has many hard-hitting moments.
- “Kimochi Warui (When? When? When? When? When? When? When?)”
By reading the title, listeners would think that this song is about wondering when something happened. However, “Kimochi Warui” is about growing up and Toledo’s realization that his teenage idols aren’t the great role models he once thought they were.
The title roughly translates from Japanese to “bad feeling,” but this translation doesn’t equate to the full meaning. In the song, he lists some alternate translations like “I feel sick,” “I don’t feel well” and “what a disgusting feeling.” The song ends with Toledo wondering when he will learn to be his own person and separate himself from his idols. The song’s lyrics sound pleasing and are relatable, but the instrumentals aren’t as special as the songs higher up in the ranking.
- “I Want You To Know That I’m Awake/I Hope That You’re Asleep”
This song is the most lyrically hard-hitting in the EP. Spanning over eight minutes, this song is about the miscommunication and Toledo’s toxic traits within his relationship with his lover. He blames their relationship falling apart on his inability to love, but he also blames his lover for ignoring him and lashing out. The song ends with Toledo listing different celebrity relationships that have broken up, followed by his repetition of denial: “We’re not like them, no, nothing like them.”
Even the title adds to the song’s meaning: Toledo is telling all of these things to his lover, who is asleep, and though he wants them to know that he is losing sleep over their relationship, he doesn’t want to admit anything to his lover’s face. Though the instrumentals are just a repeated guitar and drum loop for the most part, the lyrics alone bring “I Want You To Know” to third place.
- “The Ending of Dramamine”
The opening song of “How To Leave Town” is over 13 minutes long, and takes five minutes to actually start the lyrics. Though it may be tempting to skip this song due to its lengthy instrumental intro, the eight minutes of lyrics makes it worth the wait. This song is about depression, detailing Toledo’s thoughts of self-deprecation and self-hatred, as well as the phenomenon of his happy life being interrupted by unexplained sadness.
The bridge of the song is a tone-switch both lyrically and musically, changing from somber to hopeful with lyrics about how Toledo dreams of a place where he and his lover could exist without pain and sadness. The ending is dramatic, building up on loud crashing and guitar ringing. The meaningful lyrics and unique instrumentals land “The Ending of Dramamine” in second place.
- “Hey Space Cadet! (Beast Monster Thing In Space)”
The closing song of the album is a slow buildup over 11 minutes, and acts as a perfect closer. “Hey Space Cadet” focuses on Toledo’s feelings of isolation and loneliness after moving across the country and his issues with dissociation. The informal meaning of “space cadet” is “someone who is out of touch with reality,” which is how Toledo describes himself throughout the song. He mentions his idolization of celebrities and coping methods in the song, calling back to “Kimochi Warui” and “Beast Monster Thing”
The outro symbolizes the end of Car Seat Headrest’s unlabeled era, due to Toledo’s vocals losing their distorted filter for the first time in his whole discography up to that point. The gradual build up, emotional lyrics and relatable message grant “Hey Space Cadet” first place.
